Last week, Dr. Lavalli posted some thoughts on being persuasive. Near the end he touched on the social aspects of persuasion. I want to add a few thoughts on those type of relationship situations.
You meet someone for the first time, or you want to meet them. But how do you do that without handing them your dating resume?
Every woman and many men feel like the first approach is often a sales pitch or an egotistical trumpeting of someone’s false front.
“You should go out with me because . . .”
When we present ourselves in either a business or a social situation, clearly we are looking for acceptance in some form. ‘Like me’, is what we are saying. But are you presenting the image you want to represent?
In a social setting, you may want to put your best foot forward and thereby persuade someone of your worth, your personality, even your date-ability. But do you know what your best is?
The key to being positively persuasive is to really, honestly know what it is you are presenting. So, what are the qualities you want to offer? Is the first thing you want someone to know about you – your Employment? Education? Family? Politics? Zodiac sign? Net worth? Honestly, what is it you want them to know in those first few moments?
If you are persuading someone of your point of view on any topic, you’ll be much more successful if you fully commit to the idea. And to fully commit you have to believe honestly in your position.
If you are approaching someone for a date or as a potential partner, ask yourself: What is it they need to know to understand who I am. Sure, politics and family will come at some point. The two of you will negotiate when those topics will be discussed.
Want an example? An early question is often: “What do you do?” Besides my normal job, I often lead with: “I write for a website, you might have seen it: A Winning Personality.” It’s who I am; it’s what I do.
So, persuasion starts at home, know yourself, know your goals; then confidently bring others to your point of view. Or figure out if they are going to persuade you. Persuading and being persuaded are two sides of the same coin.
“Want to get coffee?”