Relationship Myths – Part Four

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Our final two relationship myths have to do with change.

Relationship Myth #7: Our relationship will be better only after he/she changes.

Sad but true, many of us have gone into a relationship knowing that for it to work, the other person would have to change. This is a strong, strong cultural myth based mostly on the belief (some would say evidence) that a woman can change a man because her mother and other woman told her she could.

More than likely, a young woman has heard stories of how her father or uncles or other older men were wild and crazy, but marriage tamed them. The truth is that life intervenes in all of our lives and we moderate our younger ways to accommodate careers and yes, marriage.

The flaw in this myth is that the “changes” that happen to your spouse or partner will be the ones you intended. Life changes people, they are not molded into the perfect partner because of what someone else wants or hopes for. It just doesn’t work that way.

Certainly, there are ways to nudge someone in one direction or another. Some might actually work but just as often the “change myth” blows up in both partners faces and they have to deal with the relationship wreckage.

Perhaps the biggest relationship myth and perhaps the saddest is this last one.

Relationship Myth #8: Having children will change our relationship. Children will make him settle down. A child will teach her responsibility.

No matter how you phrase it, using a child to do what two adults could not accomplish together is a terrible idea, which often leads to relationship disaster. Children are tools to fix a struggling relationship.

Happy children come from happy relationships; a child cannot create happiness if it is not already present.

Our lives are surrounded by myths. Some are entertaining; others are enlightening. As teaching tools, we can learn a lot about life from these stories. But living a life or sharing a life in a relationship based on a myth or two, can only lead to ever larger mistakes that compound upon each other.

Communicate with your (potential) partner. Live your life and have your relationship as who you are and who they really are. You’ll be happier and in for a long-term winning relationship.


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