Relationship Myths – Part Three

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We covered communication and love in relationships. Now it’s time for raised voices.

Even in the best of relationships, there are bumps in the road. We don’t always get along; we can’t always. Life just keeps showing up and stirring the pot, sometimes life boils over and splashes into our relationship. But don’t believe the myths.

Relationship Myth #5: People in good relationships, don’t fight.

You know who came up with this myth, people who aren’t in a relationship.

Of course, we have disagreements. Often these don’t rise to the level of what you might call an actual fight, but we don’t care about semantics here. Two people in any relationship are not always going to find themselves in agreement about everything.

Where you go to dinner, might not cause a fight. But weeks of indecision about what color to paint the house or where to spend the upcoming vacation might have one of the members of the relationship a bit tense about decisions being postponed. So deciding where to eat dinner becomes the final straw and voices are raised or perhaps the silent treatment emerges.

People fight, spat, disagree, argue, quarrel, squabble, and dispute. It happens. But there are ground rules for fighting fair; maybe I should write about those at some point.

Relationship Myth #6: Jealousy is a sign of love.

Okay, this one is easy. No, No, No. Jealousy does not equate to love.

Jealousy is a sign of insecurity in a partner. If you are secure in your relationship, you are not going to be jealous. Also, you can’t “fix” a jealous partner; they have to confront their issue themselves.

Let’s not go overboard with this jealousy thing. What if you were to discover that your partner was, in fact, cheating on you. Not a pleasant situation, but not an event worthy of the emotional reaction, which is jealousy.

You should feel betrayed, hurt, angry and any number of other reasonable, rational reactions to an unfaithful partner. All of those are justifiable and reasonable reactions to your discovery.

Jealousy is unfounded, based on fear and insecurity. There is no place in a healthy, honest relationship for jealousy. When you find it lurking in a relationship, you have a choice to make. Do I stay or do I go? Just a word of warning, jealousy is one of the most pernicious and persistent negative emotions. It is not easy to eliminate.

Next week, our last two relationship myths dealing with change.

 


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