Last week I wrote about two common relationship myths, today let’s take on a couple more having to do with communicating in a relationship.
Relationship Myth #3: We should know what our partner wants and needs.
I’ve always wondered why anyone, including my younger self, thought that getting into a relationship meant you suddenly acquired the power to read minds. I think my partner wants me, but what else? Marriage? Children? Tropical vacations?
It seems almost incredible that we don’t know or don’t think to simply ask our partner what they need in a relationship. But we don’t.
Fortunately, today we have the internet, just pull up your search engine and type in: “Questions to ask your partner.” That will keep you and your relationship busy for months because it will get the two of you talking.
By the way, remember, talking with your partner involves both talking and listening.
You want to know the secret of every successful relationship. Shh, don’t tell anyone but it’s communication, which brings me to:
Relationship Myth #4: If you need help, like couples therapy, your relationship is in trouble.
You know what the most common issue is with couples who seek counseling? A lot of people guess it’s money or sex but the number one issue is communication. In couple therapy, the therapist often just needs to get the partners talking and out spills all the problems.
So couples bring up all their dirty laundry in therapy? Well yes, but more often than not one partner says: “I feel X,” or “I think Y.” And the other partner says: “I had no idea.”
Most couples don’t know what’s going wrong with their relationship because they haven’t been able to talk to each other about it. We are smart creatures, but we often lack some common skills in relationships that we seem to function perfectly well at work or with someone other than our partner.
Don’t try to figure out why you can’t communicate or haven’t been talking, just start. It’s really as easy as that.
“How was your day?”
“How are you feeling?”
“Have I been holding up my end of our relationship?”
I guarantee that will be the lines of communication going, and once they are, it all gets so much easier.
Next week, sometimes there are going to be fights, but even they have myths.